How To Put Yourself Back On The Pedestal

By: Anagha Kolanu

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How I Lost Myself By Putting Someone Else On A Pedestal: A Personal Story

Two years ago, I found myself in a dark place, trapped in a toxic cycle of seeking validation from others. I was stuck in a horrible talking stage with someone who seemed to hold all the power in our interactions (well ngl there were sm red flags and I chose to ignore them but we've all been there okay). Every unanswered text and fluctuation in his tone became a measure of my worth. I had unknowingly placed this guy on a pedestal, allowing his actions to dictate my self-esteem. I had so many unanswered questions that would plague my day to day life and make me more insecure in how I saw myself. "Was I not pretty enough?" "Was I not skinny enough?" "Should I have done something differently?" "If I was more like his ex, would he like me more?" All of these doubts I had about our relationship dragged me into my own personal hell of insecurity and negative self-talk. As days turned into weeks, I spiraled deeper and deeper into self-doubt and insecurity. I lost sight of my own value, believing that my worthiness was contingent upon someone else's approval. The more I chased after validation, the further I drifted from myself. I started to replicate the personality traits and characteristics of someone else so that I would finally be chosen. It wasn't until I finally hit rock bottom that I realized the importance of reclaiming my own worth. The moment I recognized that I had lost myself in the process of seeking validation from others was the moment I knew I had to make a change. I made a conscious decision to shift my focus inward and prioritize my own well-being by putting myself back on the pedestal.

When I look back at this experience, I don't look at it in a negative light, but rather something that had to happen in order for me to grow. I learned so many things about self-growth, mindset, and healing that completely changed how I viewed the world. I spent the summer of 2022 getting my hands on any piece of self-help material I could find from books and articles to YouTube and podcasts on Spotify. If anything, I'm beyond thankful for the experience because I would not be where I am now without it. The pain I felt during one of the hardest times of my life became the best teacher for my personal and emotional development. I channeled the pain into gaining as much knowledge as I could about self-growth so I would never feel how I felt ever again. The information I learned helped enormously, but I felt very alone in the journey. I didn't know of many people that shared the same upbringing or traumas as me online so I didn't really know who to follow or where to start off. However, I knew that one day I wanted to share everything I learned with other people so that they could be the best versions of themselves and hopefully feel less alone in the journey.

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How To Put Yourself Back On The Pedestal

❤️‍🔥 Visualize Your Worth: Close your eyes and envision yourself standing confidently atop a pedestal, radiating self-assurance and strength. Visualizing yourself in this position reinforces your sense of self-worth and reminds you of the value you bring to the table. Embrace this mental image as a daily affirmation of your significance and potential.

❤️‍🔥 Recognize the Influence of Others’ Opinions: When we place excessive importance on the opinions of others, we unknowingly place them on pedestals in our lives. Know that no one is above you or beneath you but we are all on the same level. Reflect on whose validation you seek most frequently and consider how their opinions shape your self-perception. By acknowledging this tendency, you empower yourself to reclaim ownership of your narrative and prioritize your own judgment above external validation.

❤️‍🔥 Shift Focus Inward: Redirect your focus inward and cultivate a deeper connection with your inner voice and values. Instead of seeking validation from external sources, strive to validate yourself based on your own standards and aspirations. Trust in your intuition and abilities, knowing that your worth is not determined by others’ perceptions. By centering your sense of worth internally, you free yourself from the need for external validation and reclaim your rightful place on the pedestal of self-respect. Every time you feel a negative thought about yourself start to come up, replace it with positive affirmations. The change we want to see in ourselves often starts in our mind, so when we feed it good things, we start feeling good too.

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Personal Results

I actually saw results in like 2-3 weeks which is honestly something I didn't expect. By keeping a strict mental diet and being very mindful of my thought patterns, I was able to start seeing myself in a whole new light. The way I interacted with people became much more fluid and easy when in the past I would have a conversation with someone and I would just be picking apart the entire interaction in my head. I also made a list of all the things I currently thought of myself before I started the pedestal method and I made an individual affirmation to counteract each negative thought. These were thoughts that I saw almost all the time (and also believed at the time which is crazy because I don't think that way at all anymore) in my head and instead of using affirmations from the internet, I crafted my own because I knew that would suit me better and would benefit me more long-term. I also made sure to journal everyday when I got up and I would essentially "script" a good day as if it already happened. I wrote things like "Today was such an amazing day. I felt very good about myself and felt like I could be myself around the people I talked to." I also visualized the day before it already happened to set myself up for success. The subconscious doesn't know what's real and what's not so doing this literally allowed me to hack the system even faster.

Thanks for reading !!!! <3